Turning the Table: What You Need to Know Before You Walk Into the IEP Meeting

IEP season is here, and for many parents, it can feel like stepping into a meeting where everyone else seems to speak a language you don’t. Between acronyms, timelines, and educational jargon, it’s easy to lose sight of what matters most: your child’s right to equitable access to their education, dignity, and meaningful support.

Schools provide a service. They are bound by the Human Rights Code and by both the duty to accommodate and the duty to inquire. Human rights policy supersedes district and Ministry of Education policy, and it must be upheld in the IEP meeting as part of the duty to consult and co-operate in good faith. But facilitation does not mean a one-way process where staff decide how your child will be supported and then assure you that Universal Design for Learning serves as accommodations. You must insist on an IEP that is both neuroaffirming and rights-based.

An IEP isn’t a favour. It’s a legal obligation grounded in your child’s human right to education without discrimination. It exists to remove barriers, not to make things easier for the system. Remember, you are an equal member of the IEP team. You have every right to ask questions, challenge assumptions, and ensure your child’s needs are met.

1. Don’t walk into the meeting thinking you can’t ask for something.

You absolutely can. And if not receiving it will impact your child’s ability to access their education, the school has a legal duty to find a way to provide it up until the point of undue hardship. Support is not tied to a specific diagnosis or inclusive education funding category. Those categories are tied to a dollar amount, not to your child’s rights. Don’t be misled into believing that the absence of funding means the absence of obligation. Be a team player, but don’t be fooled by the “team” language. The team often upholds the system at all costs. You’re there to uphold your child’s rights.

2. Be one step ahead.
Think about what you want for your child, and then plan how to ensure that it makes it into the IEP. Don’t wait for the school to suggest supports or accommodations. Come prepared with ideas that reflect your child’s strengths and the way they learn best. Trust me, there are all sorts of ways to be creative. A rights-based IEP isn’t about fixing the child. It’s about fixing the barriers. It's about adjusting the environment to ensure accessibility. A neuroaffirming IEP honours who your child is, rather than trying to make them appear more “typical.” 

3. Protect your child’s story.
Do not accept an IEP that paints your child in a negative light. The language used matters. A neuroaffirming IEP uses respectful, non-pathologizing language. It describes how your child learns, communicates, and connects, not what they “lack” or “struggle with.” If the document focuses on what your child “can’t” do, it will shape how others view and treat them. Reframe deficits as differences. Lead with strengths. Ask yourself, would I want someone to read this and meet my child for the first time?

4. Understand and co-create the goals.
IEP goals should be written with the student, not just about them. Whenever possible, the student should attend the meeting and share what matters to them. Too often, goals are chosen based on what will make classroom management easier or what aligns with assessment rubrics, rather than what builds the student’s confidence, autonomy, or sense of belonging. Goals need to be framed in a way that ensures the right supports are in place to make them achievable. A goal without support is just a hope on paper. Each goal should reflect the student’s voice, build on their strengths, and include the conditions needed for success.

5. Get it in writing.
Take notes during the meeting. Follow up with an email summarizing what was discussed and agreed upon. This creates a clear record of commitments made. Ask for a draft IEP within one week so you have time to review and request edits before it’s finalized. If you notice that goals are deficit-focused or punitive, ask that they be rewritten in a way that supports growth, regulation, and belonging, not compliance. 

6. Keep the conversation going.
An IEP isn’t a one-time event. It’s a living document. Schedule a follow-up in November to review progress, accommodations, and goals. If something isn’t working, you have every right to ask for it to be changed. The IEP should evolve alongside your child, not gather dust in a file.

7. Know your power.
You don’t need to be an expert in inclusive education to advocate effectively. You just need to know that you have the right to ask, to document, and to demand accountability. If the IEP is not being followed, it provides the legal grounds for a Human Rights Tribunal complaint. The IEP is a binding document that outlines the supports and accommodations your child requires to access their education, and getting those supports written into the IEP is protection because it creates a clear record of what the school has committed to providing. The school is counting on you not to know this information, but when you document everything and ensure that every agreed-upon support, strategy, and accommodation is written into the IEP, you hold the system accountable.

A neuroaffirming, rights-based IEP shifts the focus from fitting in to belonging. It recognizes that barriers exist in environments, not in children.

You shouldn’t have to fight the system to ensure your child can access their education, but too often that’s exactly what happens when the “team” protects the system instead of the student.